The Depp-Heard trial highlights the importance of talking to teens about dating violence

Youths don’t know how to handle complicated relationships without supports in place and education around establishing healthy boundaries. Parents can take this opportunity to talk with tweens and teens about dating violence and how to develop healthy dating relationships.

Create a safe space

Creating a safe space to talk with teens is helpful to understanding the dynamics of what’s going on in their daily lives outside the home. In fact, teens tell me they crave conversations with grown-ups but they worry about judgment and responses.

But don’t start trying to solve their problems right away — Trenk warns that if you immediately go into response mode, it will shut down the conversation.

Parents become a trusted source for their kids when they slow down and take the time to listen, validate emotions, empathize with complex feelings and share accurate information and resources to help their teens work through things. “Validate the strong feelings first so you can talk through the nuance of intimate relationships,” Trenk said.

Talk about healthy relationships

It’s a mistake to assume that teens know everything they need to know about developing healthy relationships from watching role models. They need specific guidance.

Trenk suggests encouraging teens to explore their values and how they relate to relationships, “One question you can ask is, how do you move toward a healthy connection that is in line with your values?”

Healthy relationships are built on trust, honesty and respect. Begin with these values but ask your teen to add to them. Together, you can make a word cloud of values that, when utilized in intimate relationships, build strong connections.

Know the warning signs

Teen relationships can feel both exciting and overwhelming. It’s easy to get lost in the high moments but miss some early warning signs of distress in a relationship.

Intense jealousy and arguments, controlling behavior, constant monitoring on Snap Maps or tracking apps, excessive communication, undue criticism and requests for a partner to keep secrets about behavior within the relationship are signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Examine issues around power

“If teens are striving for connection, exploiting power is not helpful,” Trenk said. “Unevenly distributed power leads to disconnection.”

Talk to your teens about power differentials that can occur within the context of relationships. In a healthy relationship, power is evenly distributed. Each person preserves their individuality and feels free to express themselves because their relationship is built on mutual respect. That’s an example of positive power.

Power differentials, on the other hand, can occur when one partner uses manipulation or force to disempower the other and gain control of the relationship. This development can occur gradually in teen relationships.

Teach assertiveness skills

All teens need to learn to set healthy boundaries and assert their feelings and needs in a relationship. A boundary is a clear line your teen draws to maintain a healthy relationship and can include physical, emotional, sexual, financial and time boundaries. Help your teen brainstorm healthy boundaries and how to communicate them to a partner.

Asserting boundaries can be difficult for teens, who often face pressure from a variety of sources. Practice at home by engaging in role-playing with your teen or encouraging your teen to practice in the mirror.

Get help

If you notice behavioral changes in your teen, including shifts in mood, eating and sleeping habits, academic struggles, loss of interest in usual daily activities, avoidance of friends, irritability or highly reactive behaviors, seek help for your teen. While open and honest communication couched in supportive language is a great start, you don’t have to go through this alone. A licensed mental health practitioner can help your teen, and you, navigate this difficult time.